No.413

THE LONELY HEARTS CLUB: 

All alone this Valentine's Day? Did no one choo-choo-choose you this year? Don't fret – this lad here is the chairman of the Lonely Hearts Club, and might just be the solution to all your lovelorn woes.

The Lonely Hearts Club meets every other Wednesday at the Wilmslow cons club, and for an hour and fifteen minutes (until the under-tens karate class boots you out), you can whinge to other like-minded singletons about your lack of success in the game of love.

Alright, you're not likely to find someone here to hold you tender to the wee hours or take you out for a well-deserved Bella Italia, but you might just make a friend or two. Which is sort-of a relationship, right? Right?

RIGHT?!