No.210

You probably wouldn’t believe us if we told you, but only six months ago we were all in terrible shape. Living on a diet of Haribo sandwiches and melted scotch eggs had finally caught up with us, and something needed to be done. What did we do? We did what anyone would have done in our slightly portly situation; we called up Vladimir Voskoboynikov, Russia’s premier personal trainer. Who knew that dragging burnt-out Ladas across industrial wasteland in the midst of winter was the quickest way to lose weight? We didn’t. Alright, we’re all suffering from hypothermia, and our backs are crooked beyond repair, but at least we don’t have to fork out for gym membership.