No.350

Do you believe in free love? Do you frequently bore your family and friends with wacky rants about “the man”? Do you have a paralysing fear of deodorant?

If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, it might be worth taking a trip to the Hippie Rehabilitation Centre.

Located in the picturesque Scottish Highlands, our state-of-the-art treatment facility is second to none and will help you transition from a smelly, long-locked flower child into a functioning member of society in no time at all.

Want proof? Have a look at one of our shining examples. A mere three weeks ago this gentleman was huffing Moroccan hashish out of an artisan pipe in a public park whilst wearing a moth-bitten tie-dye T-shirt. Now he's got himself a beautiful wife, a gorgeous home and a proper nice Stone Island jacket. He's traded hacky sacking and playing bongos badly in student accommodation for building Airfix planes and waxing his car, and he hasn't defaced a shop shutter with a poorly scrawled peace sign in well over a week.

We couldn't quite bring ourselves to chop off his luscious curls, but he's promised us he'll start washing them with shampoo and conditioner instead of baking soda and eggs.