Layer Bloke

Some blokes have a signature look. Some have a signature scent. Layer Bloke has a signature climate. There are rumours he was born wearing a gilet over a sweatshirt, but nobody’s been able to verify this. What we do know is that the man likes a layer. Then another layer. Then one more for luck. He’s the sort of fella who puts on a jacket and immediately starts wondering what he can wear over it. A perfectly reasonable outfit, in his eyes, is anything that makes getting through a doorway a bit of a logistical challenge.

Naturally, all this clobber requires some serious storage, which is where his trusty backpack comes in. A seemingly ordinary bag with the carrying capacity of Mary Poppins’ bottomless carpetbag, it contains enough spare layers to kit out a small expedition to the Arctic. Lightweight overshirt? In there. Emergency fleece? Course. Another jacket in case the first jacket isn’t jacket enough? Absolutely. There’s probably a lightweight down gilet in there that he’s forgotten about since 2019. Layer Bloke can produce an entirely new outfit from this thing without so much as taking his eyes off his pint. Airport security have stopped asking questions. They just wave him through and hope for the best.

Don’t get us started on summer... while the rest of Manchester is flapping about in a T-shirt, desperately searching for a bit of shade and wondering why the sun’s come out with such little warning, Layer Bloke is strolling about in enough insulation to survive a night on Ben Nevis. Does he sweat? No. Does he get hot? No. Is he human? Not sure. Scientists have suggested his body temperature is regulated by a complex system of merino wool, nylon and sheer bloody-mindedness. This summer just gone, he treated the heatwave as an opportunity to introduce another layer into the rotation.

So, Layer Bloke... a man who sees four seasons in a day and dresses for all of them simultaneously. Now, if you’ll excuse us, he’s just taken his backpack off and we’re fairly certain there’s another backpack inside it.