No.191

Facing a weekend of expensive food, warm beer, people who wear ‘funny hats’, rain, sunstroke, queues, southerners, northerners, standing around, unsigned bands, trench foot, STIs, ‘free hugs’ and trying to watch ageing rock-stars stumble around on a massive stage from over two miles away, just how does the happy camper stay so happy? The answer is actually quite simple — he hasn’t gone to a festival in years. Instead he merely constructs his tent in his living room, puts some music on that he actually enjoys and has a bloody lovely weekend. Sure, he may not have the ‘amazing festival memories’ come Monday morning, but he does get to use a functioning toilet.